Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Husband's Hip!!!

..............not in the "I'm a cool dude, hip", but his real hip. He had his hip removed on Tuesday and a new improved hip installed. The way he explained sounded like he was getting a trailer hitch installed. I kid you not. He said............."the doctor is going to cut off the ball part of my hip, drill a hole down the middle of my femur and stick a rod in it and attached the ball". Now doesn't that sound like a trailer hitch installation? Yep, I thought so too.

I guess the most important thing in all of this is MORPHINE is a good thing! Bless his heart! He's got probably a 8-9 inch incision beginning right above his pelvis (yeah, they did something to that too) and it extends down about 5 inches on the front of his leg. He's got 18 staples..... OUCHIE!!!

The doctor said when he got "in there", the ball of his hip was rotated rather strangely (inward instead of outward) and it was difficult to do what had to be done. They put a boot on his left foot so they could manipulate (aka.... have something to grab onto to jerk the hip around) his hip.

Now I'm pretty smart and I pretty much knew he was going to be in quite a bit of pain, but they forgot to mention that they had probably sprained his ankle also!! SWEET! He woke up this morning and couldn't move his ankle and it was killing him................they x-ray'd it to make sure that while they had fixed his hip.........they hadn't broken his ankle in the process......not a good thing.

Pain and drugs can make people very insensitive to the needs of others.........ME! It's hard to be sweet, loving and humble when your drug and pain crazed husband is being an ASS.........
I put off going to the hospital this morning as long as I could because I wasn't sure I could handle the cold, deadly stares and drooling.

Then I found a copperhead just inside my front door this morning at 6 a.m. as I was walking half asleep to the front bathroom. Not believing what I was seeing, I just shook my head and said..... " just CAN'T be a snake". I turned around, went back into my bedroom and proceeded to wash my face and get dressed, thinking the whole time........"what if I go back and there is nothing there". Sure was gone. I HATE SNAKES and from what I understand from my neighbors, we live in copperhead country (that and bobcats). I immediately got on the phone and called a friend of ours and this was the conversation.

"Victor..........can you come over like NOW!!!" "There's a #&$)#ing snake in my house and I don't know where the #&$) it is and I can't bring Bud home from the hospital tomorrow if there's a #&$)ing copperhead in the house and I can't find it and none of the physical therapy folks will come if there's a copperhead in the #&$)ing house either or do you think I should call the police and tell them what's going on and I can't remember my neighbor's #$&)ing phone number because she kills these things all the time".

"aaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.......I #&$)ing hate snakes Sandi.................(silence)."

"Victor.............get your #&$)ing ass over here NOWWWWWWWWWW DAMMIT!

"Okay, sweetie I'll be right there".

So Victor shows up and I'm standing in the front yard with a flashlight (it's broad daylight), my camera and a pack of cigarettes...........I left the lighter in the house........dammit and I was wishing I had some morphine.

We start our search. I have a box in my hallway with a fake christmas tree in it I've been meaning to put in the attic and I kicked the box away from the wall and shout "THERE IT IS"......#&$) that's not a #&$)ing copperhead". I'm feeling pretty stupid now. It's a salamander. You of those coppermanders. You find them all over Texas. Anyway...... after Victor stopped laughing and could breath again, he goes into the bedroom where the little critter has fled and goes to pick the little bastard up and it tried to bite him. Victor jumps about 6 feet in the air and then tries to act like nothing happened. It was a catch and release deal....... coppermander is back outside where he belongs.

I finally get to the hospital a little after 11 a.m. and very quietly open the hospital door and peek in, fully expecting to see my husband propped up in bed with his head rotating on his shoulder's and green vomit spewing from his mouth. Instead, I was greeted with a smiling husband....albeit a little on the pale side, but he was smiling and sitting in a chair next to his bed. All the IV's and other tubes had been removed (no more morphine!!!). We have progressed to Vicotin for pain and almost immediately the cold, deadly staring and drooling have stopped.

I get to bring him home tomorrow..........wonder what the weekend will bring?

Have a Great Weekend!!!!


Gwen said...

My goodness! I hope some peace and quiet. And no snakes.

BTW, I'll be singing "I don't like spiders and snakes . . . " for the next few days. Thanks.

Mnmom said...

I shouldn't be laughing at his pain or your snake, but THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!!! That was a hilarious story. He'll still have a few "moments" at home. Just make sure to keep ahead of the pain, that's key. When he isn't watching the clock for his next dosage, you'll know you're home free.

Sarah said...

Oh Sandi! It is good to see you have a sense of humor in the midst of all of this! Thanks for the Friday morning giggle. I hope the weekend goes smoother with no reptile interferences!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Glad he's coming home! You two keep medicated and the recovery will be over in a jiffy!

Give B a big hug and a kiss for me!

No news yet here on my end. Still waiting!

Love you!
- Jennifer

Michelle said...

Ha pretty funny story. Hope your hubby is home and resting and NOT drooling!!!

Susie said...

Oh no!! I hope he feels better soon!!

Just Jules said...

What a day to pop in and see what I have been missing - Spring is way too busy around here!


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